Mission 6: Codename: Milky Chunklet

As far as these missions go, what could possibly trump sitting on a couch at your friend’s HQ stuffing envelopes with the soothing sounds of one Mr. David Lee Roth and the illustrious Van Halen recorded live in Sacramento as a soundtrack for the experience? I’ll tell you:

1. Your friend is Henry Owings. He’s pretty much one of the busiest guys I know. When he’s not writing books, publishing magazines, being Asshole Santa or tour managing for some of the best comedy acts EVER, he strikes the royal suck-it (but not on purpose, because he’s a nice guy) to slacker Grandmothers everywhere by cooking gumbo and baking cobbler and cookies for his buddy Jesse, who doesn’t feel so well. Oh. He’s also my boyfriend’s biggest man-crush of all time.

2. You’re stuffing envelopes with the brand new issue of Chunklet Magazine. This means you get to flip through it and read it on the occasion that you’re taking a break.

Issue Twenty of Chunklet

3. You’re also placing the address labels on the envelopes, and you’re feeling pretty fancy because among the addressees are Brian Posehn, Patton Oswalt and Ted Leo, to name a few. Sidenote: You’re also resisting the urge to scribble down those addresses so you can send them postcards, mix tapes or well-meant, but awful art. You know-whatever kind of stuff you mail to people you admire.

4. You see cool stuff like this just laying around. Lucky.

Mission 6:

Codename: Milky Chunklet

Mission Description:

Assist local buddy/entertainment & publishing tycoon in moving thousands of issues of his newest magazine off of the street, into storage, and figuratively, back on the street. Oh, and did I mention up the stairs and into storage? Pluck out a few hundred issues to stuff in envelopes, address, and take to the USPS where they’ll be shipped to those deserving few who either:

1. Know what a bitch it can be to get back issues so they order in advance.

or

2. Are tight posse with Hen, so they get the love and the free copies. And on the occasion they get a broken nose…they’ll get gumbo, too.

After I mailing the first day’s shipment of magazines, Henry put me to work on assembling Chunklet’s letter-pressed and audiophile-grade vinyl reissue LP of Harvey Milk’s record, Courtesy and Good Will Toward Men.

This reissue is so nice you’ll want to pet it every day. But not too much, kids. You don’t want to screw up the finish.

For this leg of the mission, I lovingly wielded a tape gun or photo-corners to affix a LOT of letter-pressed prints of Saint Cecilia on the front and center of the record jacket. Then, I made sure each LP was wrapped up in a sleeve and packed tight.

Photo corners will add a lovely three-dimensional flair for your record reissue!

This was repetitive work, but kind of cool when you thought about the record collectors out there that may duct-tape their mouths shut so as not to slobber on the beautiful jacket. After a few hours a day for 3 days - 

Mission accomplished.

What I Learned:

Even when you’re slapping mailing labels on an envelope, you can be star struck. Walking heavy boxes full of Chunklet really works the glutes…And even though you’ve been shown how to load a tape gun a zillion times, its best left up to the experts. Also, I’ve learned that Henry was someone’s favorite Grandma in a past life.